


how time just ruins us

by callieincali



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fill in Scenes, also partly in s3, post s2 kinda, read this if you think the deleted scene deserved to stay, wickoff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 05:44:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16299236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callieincali/pseuds/callieincali
Summary: julia doesn't think she can fix magic, but that doesn't stop her from wanting to help





	how time just ruins us

**Author's Note:**

> idk the summary guys but this was a bit too all over the place to summarize. in a good way tho!
> 
> i'm back i hope this quenches your parched wickoff hearts
> 
> takes place in the two month time jump and also partly in ep 1 of s3

Julia didn’t drink much anymore. She had continuous distractions to thank for that.

First it was law school, half because she wanted to forget about the life she’d been living in the few years that had passed, and half because she was genuinely still interested in pursuing the career, though most days it felt more like an eighty-twenty split.

But much like the way things always went in her life, forgetting did not come easily.

Nightmares still plagued her, memories clung to every room in her apartment like cobwebs in the corners, and she swore every now and then her hands would buzz with the same muted electricity magic emitted, like maybe, just maybe, she could cast a spell if she focused hard enough.

She told herself the flashes were nothing, that everyone could probably draw that familiar, warm sensation far enough into their thoughts for it to feel real. And those affirmations worked for the better part of a month, until Julia couldn’t stand the not-knowing any longer and stared at her hands for hours until the tiniest of sparks appeared and danced to the ground, slowly growing orange before dying out.

So brief, she could have chalked them up to lack of sleep and the early hours of the morning.

But when she tried it again the next day, a pot of coffee fresh in her stomach, the sparks came faster than before, as if her hands had been waiting all night to recreate them.

And just like the day she had woken up to a fresh scratch running down the length of her arm, Julia found herself skipping class and not caring if her grades slipped, too distracted my a new, yet old, muse entirely.

The dull sparks in her fingers had been more than enough to reignite her love for magic and pull her back into the immersive world she’d already navigated alone through once before.

She kept it to herself at first, searching all the old forums she used to scan through for spells, checking now for any chatter about traces of magic like aftershocks of an earthquake, but finding nothing of the sort every time. And only after she was certain there was no one like her— no one to share in her experiences— Julia went to find Quentin, deciding he was the only one left for her to trust, anyway. The only one she hadn’t fucked things up with enough to chase away.

She remembered Kady and how, had this been months ago, she would have had the girl to immediately turn to at the first glimpse of something out of the ordinary. It stung to think the only person she had to turn to now was Quentin, who— though they had been friends for ages and Julia loved him more than most people— probably only had time for her because everyone else aimed their anger at the loss of magic towards the two of them equally.

He met her with excited curiosity and insisted they work to grow her magic, rambling on about how she could be the key to restoring it completely.

And with every test and theory and hour of research, Julia found it hard to not be distracted my the revelation that the loss of magic had possibly skipped over her.

She sometimes went days without the sense of a crushing weight on her shoulders, without the guilt and fear that had hung like fog around her for months.

Because as far back as her knowledge of magic went, she always thought magic was there to fix things— to do good. And that’s what she planned to do when and if her magic was strong enough: make things right.

“You know, at Brakebills,” Kady had said to her, back when their biggest worry in life was how the hell they were going to learn enough spells to be let in on the rest of the Free Trader’s secret project. She shook her head, dark curls bouncing at her shoulders. “They’d shut this idea down so fast.” Kady dropped the pen from her hand and ran her fingers through her hair, a quiet sigh falling from her lips.

“Too dangerous?” Julia dropped the spell sheet from her own hands, turning her attention to Kady who obviously had more to say on the topic. They’d been reading for hours with little conversation in between, so the break was more than welcome.

“No, more like underneath.” Her eyes fell shut for a moment, a small smile grazing her lips. Julia had never thought she would be sitting across from the girl who hated her as much as Kady did, making small talk like they had known each other for years. It was a friendship that came easily, a growing friendship she hadn’t found herself a part of since childhood when her and Quentin had met. “I’m not sure they believe people should have access to more power.”

Julia nodded, intrigued by the information.

“And it’s like on one hand, part of being a magician is to go there,” Kady shrugged, “you know, as far as you can. But, in practice—“ Her voice trailed, but Julia was quick to fill the quiet.

“I just think that’s how most people are,” she paused, considered her words, “wanna play it safe.” She brought her thumb to her mouth and bit at the nail.

“It’s hard to put into words, but I just keep having this feeling like—“ Julia started, her eyebrows drawn together in thought. Kady finished for her.

“We could blow the roof off if we just knew how?” Her smile shifted to more of a smirk, and Julia could almost sense some form of invitation in the words. It filled her chest with a warmth comparable to magic.

“Yeah, or just—“ Hard to put into words, as she’d said. Magic had a way of being indescribable like that. ”Actually fix a couple of things in this fucked up world. Like, for real.”

Kady chuckled a dry laugh, the kind that made the conversation feel everything but comedic. “The bullshit would all finally be worth it.”

Julia nodded.

And weeks later, with altered memories, when Quentin asked her what magic was really for, her answer came naturally.

_For fixing things, dummy._

Even now, when the idea of magic’s purpose was beginning to look pretty bleak, ghosts of it still gleamed inside her, growing in strength with every small spell she mastered for the second time.

And after a month, give or take, hidden in empty classrooms, growing frustrated at how slow her progression was, Julia found herself drinking again— more than she had in a while— sitting by Quentin on the stairs outside a booming party they weren’t allowed into.

Fixing the world was starting to seem more and more like something one girl with sparking fingers couldn’t accomplish alone, but blowing smoke stars for Josh, who had seemingly begun to take on a very similar pessimistic view reminded her there was good she could do in the world, even if restoring magic to everyone wasn’t part of it.

She left the party with Q, but parted ways with him from there, intending to crash at her own place instead of a vacant Brakebills room, but ending up on a different path somewhere along the way.

It hadn’t been long ago that she’d found herself on the same path, sleep deprived and stumbling into a nearby diner just because it was the first one she saw on her walk home.

She was standing in front of the host stand, waiting to be seated, and taking in the not exactly ideal environment of the restaurant. It was more run down then she usually liked, but suitable enough for her to grab a meal in for the time being.

The waitresses all wore black shirts, most cleaning tables or sitting in the back on their phones, all bored, and all probably ready to go home. Her lack of sleep mixed with the monotony of the diner almost stopped her from recognizing the head of messy curls leaning against a counter in the kitchen, scribbling something on a notepad, her face painted in every shade of exhaustion.

Julia froze at the sight of Kady, stuck between the options of staying and suffering the probable tension that would follow or leaving before she was seen.

_“How could you do this? After everything we’ve been through?”_

The words rung in her head and tightened her chest. Being shadeless may have lessened the blow of the questions, but with her emotions back to the way they were supposed to be, Julia couldn’t think of them without her eyes stinging.

She turned around and pushed through the diner doors, hurrying down the sidewalk before the shock could reach her.

Now, she had no real reason to be heading towards the diner again, and no idea what her plan was for when she arrived, but her drunken mind made it easy to forget those things, and by the time she was at the doors again, she had no intention of turning back.

She pushed her way inside, leaning on the host stand for support and waiting for a server to greet her.

A blonde woman walked over soon after Julia arrived, her shirt black and bearing a name tag with the words “Ritz Diner” and “Lauren” written on it. She started with some greeting Julia wasn’t interested in hearing.

“I’m not here to eat, I just—“ she hoped the words didn’t sound as slurred to the woman as they did to herself. Julia looked around the restaurant for any sign of Kady before turning back to Lauren. “Is Kady working tonight?”

Lauren shook her head. “No, she’s off.”

Had Julia been sober she thought the answer would have been a little more frustrating, but she only sighed in response, looking around again as if her surroundings could provide a solution. Her eyes landed on a notepad on the stand.

“Can I give you a note for her? Just so she knows I came?” Lauren didn’t seem fazed by the request, shrugging and handing Julia a slip of paper from the pad and a pen.

Julia wrote messily, her brain too uncoordinated to make her hands work correctly.

_Meet me at my place. Have something to show you._

She debated drawing something stupid like a smiley face or a heart, or even closing with ‘Love, Julia’. Ultimately, she just scribbled her name beside a dash and folded the paper into a square.

“Thank you. Just tell her it’s from Julia,” she said and handed Lauren the message.

“I’ll make sure she gets it.”

Julia nodded and left through the glass doors, hoping she’d brought herself one step closer to magic fixing another one of her mistakes in life.

 

* * *

 

Kady didn’t talk to her coworkers, so when one tapped her on the shoulder, it immediately struck her as odd.

She spun around and found a blonde woman behind her, the name tag on her shirt reminding Kady of her name. Lauren.

“Hey, some girl came in last night looking for you. She left you a note.” Lauren held out a folded order sheet. “Said her name was Julia.”

Kady flushed at the name, immediately met with memories of an empty gaze and emotionless stare. Her stomach twisted. She’d pushed those memories too far away for them to resurface now. Not when Penny was dying and there was nothing she could do about it. Not when Julia still indirectly held the blame for most of it.

“Throw it away, I don’t want it.”

Lauren narrowed her eyes but nodded and tossed it into the trash.

Kady watched as it fell on top of a stack of receipts and stared at it for a moment, anger and guilt and, above all else, grief gathering as a lump in her throat.

She got back to work before she could regret the decision.

**Author's Note:**

> oops i made it angsty.
> 
> the scene with julia and kady was from a deleted scene if ya didn't know.
> 
> as always comments and kudos keep me going so drop me some if u want more content.
> 
> i'm @bestbltches on twitter for all those who wish to direct their shouting to social media. also acceptable.
> 
> thanks everyone, hopefully i'll be back with more soon!


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